Sometimes you need to lean on others to love you first before you can finally love yourself.
Hey folks, I’m back (kind of), with this really nice semi-autobio story for you all. It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, and while I didn’t want to draw myself for this one, I had such a great time exploring these thoughts and feelings with some super cute stand-ins!
My comics might be every other month for a little bit as I teach again this fall, I’m having a great time teaching comics but goodness am I busy.
Thanks for reading, as always~
Matt’s Added Note: Here in the footer to ask you come and support OJST if you aren’t already! We put out a free comic each and every week, and it’s only through continued and generous Patreon’age that it’s at all possible!
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↓ Comic Transcript
Page 1
“Bedroom Boudoir Blues” a comic by Jey Pawlik, done in choppy black lineart and grey blue tones. Our main character, Harmen, is a fat white nonbinary person with very short wavy blond hair, and a mousy appearance. Their partner, Sweetheart, is a thin black nonbinary person with a tall dark pompadour and hearts in their eyes almost constantly. They’ve been in a relationship for a long time and are very comfortable with each other.
Harmen is setting up their photography studio with their film camera, a chair holding a variety of sexy outfits, and a bed to pose on.
Two flashback bubbles appear in warm oranges and yellows over the scene. Sweetheart, with hearts in their eyes asks lovingly “Hey soooo, would you be down for doing a boudoir shoot for me while I’m away? I think it’d be super hot!”
Harmen blushes with a smile and pokes their fingers together while saying “Oh gosh, you sweetie!! Y’know, I’ve always wanted to do something like that on films, but, um—I could give it a shot!” (camera pun intended!)
In a sequence of panels, Harmen undresses from their button-up and kaki shorts. As the scene goes on, the background gets darker as Harmen becomes slowly unsure of themself suddenly.
While in their sexy one-piece outfit, they blush and their smile has faded.
Page 2
A silent page, where Harmen is posing on the bed in front of their camera, they look tense as they hold on to their shutter release button (this plugs in to film cameras to press the shutter while you’re far away from it). As Harmen tries different and awkward poses on the bed, the camera looms closer and feels more intense as the background gets darker and darker as the scene goes on. Harmen is left at the end of the page covering their face and blushing madly.
Page 3
Harmen flails onto the bed, kicking their legs and arms in an exaggerated pose while saying “No no no no no I can’t do it! It’s too embarrassing!” The camera watches them from the foreground, almost ominously.
Harmen clenches the blanket below them and covers most of their face with it. They say “I’m just not—model material.” The background behind them is dark.
They narrate “My body isn’t something people usually think of when they think “sexy.”
Harmen floats, in their mind, nude and sad in a dark void. Holding their hand to their chest with their legs up protectively.
They continue to narrate “I belong behind the camera, not in front of it.”
A warm bright panel with Sweetheart appears, a flashback where they’ve said “WOW, you’re so beautiful and hot ❤️ I just wish I had any photos of you to look at~”
Page 4
Harmen looks up from the blanket, a small hopeful smile on their blushing face as they say “But they… love me no matter what I look like.”
Sitting on the bed, Harmen thinks of all the wonderful, nice things Sweetheart has said to them. Little Sweethearts floating around them in warm oranges with little hearts floating around each compliment.
“Gosh, I love your arms! They’re so good for hugging!”
“The way your noses scrunches up when you smile is my favourite!”
“Your tummy is so cute, I think about it all the time!”
“You’re so sexy, I just love watching your face as you cum for me~”
Harmen sits up in the bed, still coloured in the grey-blue of the comic, but the yellow from the warm flashbacks coming through in the background as they lift their fist triumphantly saying “They’re right—I AM SEXY!”
They hold their shutter release button, ready to click.
The camera, less ominous now, makes a loud “KA-CLICK!” noise as the shutter fires.
Page 5
Sweetheart is in a hotel room in full colour, they’re holding up a mailing package in their hands as they talk to Harmen over video call on their laptop. Sweetheart says “Hey my love, I JUST got your package. Can I open it? Can ?” they are very excited.
Harmen, on the laptop screen, says “Go ahead, you cutie!”
A spread of many black and white films photos take over the middle of the page. Photos of Harmen in various poses. As the shoot goes on, we can see Harmen getting more confident as they slowly remove their one-piece outfit. The last photo shows Harmen smiling and having a great time posing for the camera.
Sweetheart says “WOW! You did all this just for me? These look so great and suuuuuper sexy~”
Harmen, laying in their own bed (nude), is smiling as they talk to Sweetheart on their tablet screen. Harmen says “I couldn’t stop thinking about you the whole time y’know!”
Transcribed by Jey Pawlik, October 2026
“Bedroom Boudoir Blues” a comic by Jey Pawlik, done in choppy black lineart and grey blue tones. Our main character, Harmen, is a fat white nonbinary person with very short wavy blond hair, and a mousy appearance. Their partner, Sweetheart, is a thin black nonbinary person with a tall dark pompadour and hearts in their eyes almost constantly. They’ve been in a relationship for a long time and are very comfortable with each other.
Harmen is setting up their photography studio with their film camera, a chair holding a variety of sexy outfits, and a bed to pose on.
Two flashback bubbles appear in warm oranges and yellows over the scene. Sweetheart, with hearts in their eyes asks lovingly “Hey soooo, would you be down for doing a boudoir shoot for me while I’m away? I think it’d be super hot!”
Harmen blushes with a smile and pokes their fingers together while saying “Oh gosh, you sweetie!! Y’know, I’ve always wanted to do something like that on films, but, um—I could give it a shot!” (camera pun intended!)
In a sequence of panels, Harmen undresses from their button-up and kaki shorts. As the scene goes on, the background gets darker as Harmen becomes slowly unsure of themself suddenly.
While in their sexy one-piece outfit, they blush and their smile has faded.
Page 2
A silent page, where Harmen is posing on the bed in front of their camera, they look tense as they hold on to their shutter release button (this plugs in to film cameras to press the shutter while you’re far away from it). As Harmen tries different and awkward poses on the bed, the camera looms closer and feels more intense as the background gets darker and darker as the scene goes on. Harmen is left at the end of the page covering their face and blushing madly.
Page 3
Harmen flails onto the bed, kicking their legs and arms in an exaggerated pose while saying “No no no no no I can’t do it! It’s too embarrassing!” The camera watches them from the foreground, almost ominously.
Harmen clenches the blanket below them and covers most of their face with it. They say “I’m just not—model material.” The background behind them is dark.
They narrate “My body isn’t something people usually think of when they think “sexy.”
Harmen floats, in their mind, nude and sad in a dark void. Holding their hand to their chest with their legs up protectively.
They continue to narrate “I belong behind the camera, not in front of it.”
A warm bright panel with Sweetheart appears, a flashback where they’ve said “WOW, you’re so beautiful and hot ❤️ I just wish I had any photos of you to look at~”
Page 4
Harmen looks up from the blanket, a small hopeful smile on their blushing face as they say “But they… love me no matter what I look like.”
Sitting on the bed, Harmen thinks of all the wonderful, nice things Sweetheart has said to them. Little Sweethearts floating around them in warm oranges with little hearts floating around each compliment.
“Gosh, I love your arms! They’re so good for hugging!”
“The way your noses scrunches up when you smile is my favourite!”
“Your tummy is so cute, I think about it all the time!”
“You’re so sexy, I just love watching your face as you cum for me~”
Harmen sits up in the bed, still coloured in the grey-blue of the comic, but the yellow from the warm flashbacks coming through in the background as they lift their fist triumphantly saying “They’re right—I AM SEXY!”
They hold their shutter release button, ready to click.
The camera, less ominous now, makes a loud “KA-CLICK!” noise as the shutter fires.
Page 5
Sweetheart is in a hotel room in full colour, they’re holding up a mailing package in their hands as they talk to Harmen over video call on their laptop. Sweetheart says “Hey my love, I JUST got your package. Can I open it? Can ?” they are very excited.
Harmen, on the laptop screen, says “Go ahead, you cutie!”
A spread of many black and white films photos take over the middle of the page. Photos of Harmen in various poses. As the shoot goes on, we can see Harmen getting more confident as they slowly remove their one-piece outfit. The last photo shows Harmen smiling and having a great time posing for the camera.
Sweetheart says “WOW! You did all this just for me? These look so great and suuuuuper sexy~”
Harmen, laying in their own bed (nude), is smiling as they talk to Sweetheart on their tablet screen. Harmen says “I couldn’t stop thinking about you the whole time y’know!”
Transcribed by Jey Pawlik, October 2026
