Come As You Are by Erika Moen and Matthew Nolan published April 14, 2015 at https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/come-as-you-are-2

Erika is a thin white woman in her early 30s, her short hair is shaved on the sides and she is wearing a black hoody and jeans. Eve is a full-figured, pale-skinned woman in middle age with shoulder-length hair that falls into big curls at the bottom. She wears a sleek black dress with an off-kilter pink belt.

Standing next to a copy of the book COME AS YOU ARE that is just a bit taller than she is, Erika says to the reader, "I cannot stop thinking about Come As You Are. This book has absolutely blown my mind and I'm still reeling from it."


"Waaaait a minute," Eve interrupts, pointing accusingly at Erika. "didn't you draw the illustrations for this book? And didn't Nagoski write the introduction to YOUR book? And aren't you guys friends in real life?"

"Guilty as charged." Erika admits, throwing her hands up in surrender.

"You're too biased to review this book!" Concludes Eve.

"I knoooooooooow!" Erika howls, consumed with inner turmoil. "Nobody asked me to and I wasn't planning on it... But then I read my advance copy and...."

"Holy moley." We catch a glimpse of Erika from the past reading this book and having an explosion over her head.

Current Day Erika continues, "I haven't been able to shut up about it in real life and I honestly think I'd be doing a bigger disservice to you folks if I DIDN'T tell you all about it."



PAGE TWO

A mini-Erika pops up on the stack of books that Dr. Nagoski holds in one hand, while the other hand holds a brain. The books are labeled on their spines, "SCIENCE", "Smart Stuff", "RESEARCH", "Studies".

"Dr. Emily Nagoski uses stone cold research and brain science to debunk tons of popularly accepted misinformation about sexuality and presents alternative explanations for how and why sex stuff happens the way it does."

"That sounds pretty scholarly." Agrees Eve.

"It's more than just intellectual, though!" Erika continues. "She's got real, practical solutions to help people resolve their sexual frustrations and woes."

"Oo, worksheets!" Eve squeals as she takes a peek inside the book Erika holds open.

Narration: At first I tried to just make a mental note every time she introduced a new concept to me or said something thought-provoking.

We see Erika reading the book with a surprised and delighted expression on her face, a single lightbulb illuminates next to her head.

Narration: Pretty quickly I realized my brain couldn't realistically keep track of everything.

"help" Erika squeaks as she throws the book over her head like a helmet to shield herself from the thousands of lightbulbs flashing around her.


Returning to the present day, Erika resumes, "So then I started underlining passages with a red pencil!"

As she flips through it, Eve exclaims, "Jesus, you underlined the whole flippin' book!"

"Just for you, my dearest perverts, I present to you the top three mind-blowing concepts I learned from Come As You Are."


PAGE THREE

Title: The Dual Control Model of Sexual Desire

A tiny Erika and Eve sit on top of a brain, which in turn sits on top of a classic beam scale. On one side of the scale is a suspended dish labeled "Off" and on the other is one labeled "On" The two quiver a little but are mostly equally weighted against each other. Beneath the Off dish is the text, "Sexual Inhibition System. Notices all the reasons why now is not a good time to be horny." Below the On dish it reads, "Sexual Excitation System. Notices all the sexually relevant information to be turned on."

"Oh, I know how sexual desire works!" Eve says to Erika. "One minute you're not horny, the next minute you are!"

"Not QUITE." Erika explains. "More like, inside your head there's these two little gauges that are always judging whether now is an appropriate time to be horny or not. If your regular desire for sex has dried up and you're looking to restart it, the answer may be to leave the 'turn on' side alone and focus on removing weight from the 'turn off' side."

Title: Spontaneous Desire and Responsive Desire

Erika gestures at a stick figure diagram as she explains, "*spontaneous desire* is the most commonly recognized model in our culture, when the desire to have sex just sorta manifests itself outta no where."

In the diagram we see the stick figure walking along, whistling to themself. Suddenly, a lightning bolt labeled "DESIRE" strikes them with a mighty "ka-BOOM!". "ME WANT SEX!" the stick figure announces to the world.


PAGE 4
Narration: But it turns out, there is ALSO *responsive desire*.

A new stick figure rushes to our first stick figure, greeting them with a "Hey baby!". "Our original stick figure replies, "I missed you!"

Narration: Which is when folks only want sex *after* consensually sexy things are already happening, and then their mind and body turns on IN RESPONSE TO that sexy context.

The two stick figures hug and exchange some kisses, until suddenly- ka-BOOM!- the lightning bolt of desire strikes our original stick figure, who joyously realizes, "Oh, wait a minute- *NOW* ME WANT SEX!"

Now Erika and Eve are speeding towards the reader in a round little convertible car as Erika throws her arm in the air (Don't worry, she's the passenger, not the driver), "Finally I was most surprised to learn that SEX IS NOT A DRIVE"

"beep beep!" goes the car.

Erika continues, "We hear about 'The Sex Drive' ALL THE FRIGGIN' TIME. But it's not real!"

"Wait, what?" Eve asks incredulously as she steers. "My urge to have sex FEELS like a drive!"

Narration: Having a DRIVE for something only applies to things that you need to *survive*.

A panicked and exhausted little stick figure races towards words reading "warmth, food, sleep." "I will die without these." they say. Reinforcing the point, they are running along the top of a giant arrow labeled "DRIVE", which also points in the direction of those necessities.


Narration: Instead of a drive, sex is just a regular old Incentive Motivation System!

The stick figure, now well-fed and rested, is transfixed with awe and desire as they see a big shiny star that they are reaching their little arms towards. "I think this will make me feel good!" the stick figure says, with stars in their own eyes. The giant star is labeled "Attractive External Stimulation."




PAGE FIVE

Alone, a tiny Erika sits on top of an open book that has curled its two opposite top pages into the shape of a heart.

"Now, I'm only skimming the surface." Erika says the reader. "Come As You Are goes FAR more in-depth with all of these concepts and MORE, so if you really wanna do some learning you gotta pick up her book. The great thing about Dr. Nagoski is that she takes complex subjects with technical, science terms and translates them into plain, understandable, friendly English with a bucket fulla real compassion."

Narration: Dr. Nagoski sums her book up best with a passage from her introduction:

Dr. Nagoski stands in slacks, a blazer, and a loose scarf tied around her neck. She is speaking to the reader while holding her book open in one hand. "The promise of Come As You Are is this: No matter where you are in your sexual journey right now, whether you have an awesome sex life and want to expand the awesomeness, or you're struggling and want to find solutions, you will learn somethng that will improve your sex life and transform the way you understand what it means to be a sexual being. And you'll discover that, even if you don't yet feel that way, you are already sexually whole and healthy. The science says so. I can prove it." p. 11.

Transcribed by Erika Moen on August 19, 2024