Sara Nutter shares with us some slice of life moments, as she moves forward with joy as a guiding principle in her life. Relationship, time, PTSD and anxieties, Sara hits on it all. Showing us her healing process and growth. It’s intimate, lovely and I hope encourages you to search for and champion your own joy. A hugggge thank you for making us this amazing comic Sara!
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Healing Joy by Sara Nutter, published August 6, 2024 for ohjoysextoy.com
Sara self describes as a late 20's/early 30's cis woman, clean cut and a little shy in self-expression/body language. Her color palette is in the cooler range with her brown hair in a chin-length bob with short side bangs, a couple of understated ear piercings, and a propensity for wearing sweaters.
She describes Nathan as a late 20's/early 30's cis man with golden retriever energy and the colors to match. His face is hairy with a short beard and blond hair pulled back into a tiny ponytail. He often wears sunny yellow fishing shirts and his expressions are bright, tender, and honest.
"Sara!" Nathan calls in astonishment, looking outside his window. "New bird at the feeder!"
"That's a Northern Flicker!" Sara exclaims as she joins him with a cup of coffee in hand. The tan bird with black, gray, and orange accents pecks away at the feeder, oblivious to its audience in the window.
"I must draw it." He states, eyes still round in awe and surprise.
Narration: Romantic relationships- trust, intimacy, authenticity- are challenging for me.
Nathan draws with intensity and deep concentration in his sketchbook as Sara looks over his shoulder with calm and contentedness. The words "CONCENTRATION" with little stars and sparklies surround the couple.
Narration: But here, with my partner Nathan, has been a safe place to grow. We've been together two years.
PAGE 2
Sara gives Nathan a verbal thumbs-up emoji as Nathan proudly shows her his drawing.
Narration: And joy has been our way forward.
The scene pivots from warm golden colors to a deep gray with ice cold blues. Sara stands in the shadow of giant oppressive stone letters reading "PURITY" that tower over her while she shrinks into herself in shame.
Narration: I come from a strict background, where sexuality was seen as so dangerous and taboo that-
X romantic relationships,
X desire,
X having a physical body,
X and even feeling too much of a positive emotion
-became labeled dangerous too.
Now back to more natural colors, Sara sits inside of a giant soap bubble (which dulls her coloring) reading a cumbersome map that is labeled "HOW TO GET OUT OF THE BUBBLE" while Nathan stands outside in the open air. He is looking at her questioningly with a book in his hand labeled "THE BUBBLE"
Narration: I found safety in that old environment by numbing my emotions down, and keeping others at arm's length.
PAGE 3
At a comic convention, Sara sits are her brightly colored table that displays her variety of pretty minicomics. She is looking wistfully at something we can't see.
Narration: I know I'm safe with Nathan.
We see now that it is Nathan she is looking at, who is chatting and buying comics from a fellow exhibitor across the aisle.
Narration: He's kind, gentle, and generous.
She watches as he returns with an armload of new books and comics, looking absolutely delighted.
Narration: His heart is always on his face.
"Need a break?" He asks Sara. "I can watch your table!"
Narration: I feel seen, believed, and loved when he looks at me.
Outside riding bikes, Sara and Nathan cruise through a green bike trail with bushes of big purple flowers and butterflies.
Narration: Naturally, teaching my body it's safe to be playful and honest is taking time and practice after many years of survival mode. Every day is a work in progress, but I'm improving.
PAGE 4
Sara and Nathan are inside again, sharing a big curry bowl and each has a boba drink by them.
Narration: Once a dull, controlled glow, now delight comes easily and lights up my whole body.
"This is amazing!" Nathan exclaims as they chow down on the curry.
Narration: Sharing joy with Nathan is building a new framework for my nervous system, where I'm safe to show up as my true self, and trust that he loves me for who I am.
Snuggling together on the couch with their cat shared across both their laps, Nathan declares to Sara, "You're CUTE and GOOD and I love you.
Narration: I haven't been able to be sexual with him yet, and that's okay. Nathan often reassures me he's happy with our pace. There's no pressure. In time, I hope we'll be able to explore sexual intimacy together, as these small, precious moments of connection continue to add up.
Leaning on a wooden handrail in the woods as the sunsets, Sara says, "I love you too." as Nathan blushes in happiness.
Narration: More and more often, I'm noticing when I'm happy.
In the full sun, Nathan and Sara lay on their backs on a blanket on the grass, their books close at hand. They hold hands, gazing up at the sky.
Narration: Noticing more things I love about him. About us.
PAGE 5
Narration: I love being with him. I love this life we're creating together.
In their backyard, Sara carries a box of young plant starts to Nathan, who is crouched at a grow box with a trowel in hand. "Wanna pickle beets this year?" She asks him.
"Yeah!" He exclaims.
Narration: I want to keep going. I want to keep feeling, exploring caring.
Now at a dock, Nathan helps Sara get into a row boat.
Narration: Because this joy feels real.
Sitting together again on the couch, Nathan and Sara watch TV as they crochet.
"OMG!" Sara shouts in delighted disbelief at the TV while Nathan appears stunned at whatever it is they're watching.
Narration: It feels like me.
The two of them crack up together on the couch, falling into each others arms as their crochet is forgotten for the moment.
Narration: It feels like home.
Transcribed by Erika Moen August 5, 2024 for ohjoysextoy.com
Support our transcription work through Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/OhJoySexToy