Is it appropriate to be making comics about condoms in the middle of the Covid-19 frenzy? I’m not even sure. We’ve had today’s comic in the works for a while now and, heck, if we’re talking about protecting ourselves (and society) from one virus, why not also talk about protection for some of the other viruses out there? Maybe you’re self isolating with your boo, looking for a way to burn time, AND maybe you’ve never really found the right condom for the job. Well…
I was really happy with my MyOne Perfect Fit Condom experience. There’s something pretty magical about having a condom that’s tailor made to fit your willy perfectly. While I probably won’t be reaching for them often – most average-sized condoms fit me fine and I like the thinner ones I can find – I know they’ll be invaluable for some of you with more uniquely-statured cocks. They also just get me EXCITED for the future of condoms. Every condom line should be doing this! It’s 2020 and our peckers deserve the best.
On a personal note, I know the world is scary as heck right now – the situation seems to keep changing day to day. But Erika and I are remaining positive. We want to be here for you whenever you need it. We know that visiting your online sex-ed and sex toy review webcomic might not be the first go-to choice of escapism. But we’re here for you regardless, we’ve got your back.
In a Netflix menu style of options, we’ve got sexy comics in abundance, some good porn websites to recommend, books to peek at, and even a porn game recommendation. Plus, if you’re ever looking to buy a toy to pass the time, we’ve got a whole frigging shopping list.
Stay safe friends. Follow the good advice of staying self-isolated – that’s what we’re doing. And, even if it might be too late, we’re hoping to cover Covid-19 care/best-practices in a few weeks time. Fingers crossed things will have improved by then!
“Too big”, they say, wearing a giant suit that practically falls off them.
“Too small”, as they wear a suit that rides up in all the wrong ways.
The third suit seems to fit them fine, but they say, “Too big in the small places and too small in the big places.”
Irritated, they moan, “Augh, is there anything else? NOTHING fits.”
Matthew chimes in. “Dude, what are you talking about, that suit looks great”-
The person interrupts. “Nah, brah. You don’t get it - I’m talking about my dick!”
They turn around, pointing to their penis which is hanging out of the fly of their pants.
“All these condoms I’ve tried just don’t fit the fiddle! It’s impossible to find one that actually works with my distinct size.”
“I’m like a tea pot, bro. Short and stout.” They gesture with their hands, making the shape of a tea pot. “Tip me over and pour. Me. Out!”
They continue venting. “Companies just don’t build wrappers that’re designed to house my burly bite-sized baguette, my limited-edition novelty-sized Coke can, my Rodent of Unusual Size, my” -
Now Matthew interrupts, raising his hands. “I get it, I get it. You’ve got a uniquely statured cock that doesn’t quite fit the average condom. Y’know, I JUST tried something that might work for you? One Condoms sent me their latest line: myONE Perfect Fit.”
Fruit of different shapes and sizes are shown with condoms wrapped over them: A large, oval watermelon, a lemon, an apple, a pear, and a bunch of bananas.
The following points are listed:
- Free shipping
- $20 for 24 (with cheaper subscription options available too)
- Latex
- Lightly lubricated with silicone
“There’s an easy measuring process to get started. Print out their guide and take two measurements (width and length), which gets you this neat personalized code that’s got your dimensions dialed into a perfect-fitting condom.”
An example of the measuring guide is shown, with numbers marked on the horizontal edge and letters marked vertically on the strip. The numbers and letters do not appear to have a particular order to them. An illustration demonstrates that the numbers on the guide measure the width by wrapping the guide horizontally around the shaft of a penis, and the letters measure the length by holding the guide from the base of the penis to the tip.
“Something I super appreciated was that the measurement’s scale seems randomized. There’s no increasing scale or hierarchy to the numbers. It’s a nice nod to the fact that there are lots of different sizes out there and none of them are “better” than the other.
Speech bubbles show various comments about the measurements: “Nice, I’m a D11!”, “Woo, Z88 baby!”, “M21, a fine vintage”.
Matthew’s face pops up to wink at the reader. “What you end up with is a tailor-made latex suit for your skin flute!”
The person from earlier gives him a bit of a side eye and says, “Please don’t ever say ‘skin flute’ again.”
“It felt indulgent and almost regal, like an aristocrat in a custom-sewn suit.”
A dapper looking cartoon penis with a satisfied smile is shown all dressed up in a fancy suit, complete with a cane and a top hat. It tips its hat while saying, “Salut!”
“When you’re wearing a bespoke piece of clothing, you can feel the difference. It just fits better, acts like a second skin. Gives your penis that je ne sais quoi.”
Matthew shrugs. “Granted, I’m the picture of average downstairs, so pretty much all the mainstream condoms I’ve ever worn have fit me well and I’ve never felt the struggles of an ill-fitting wrapper, but I still really enjoyed my time with the myONE. As for the feel of the actual condom itself, it’s all right. It’s smooth and silky from the lube, but nothing crazy amazing. The experience doesn’t feel cheap, but it’s not exactly unique.”
“It’s like a regular Honda… but with FLAMES painted on the sides!”
Matthew’s shown popping a wheelie in said Honda with cool flame decals on the side. It looks pretty sick.
“It’s still a plain old car, but now it’s CUSTOM BAYBEE.”
Matthew is shown surrounded by even more fruit with condoms on them. He himself is wearing a condom on his head like a cute little hat.
“This is something anybody with an out-side-of-the-average measurements should totally buy into. Really though, I’m just hoping this is the start of an amazing condom future. It’s 2020, I want to see every condom line be this customizable!”
This comic was drawn March 17, 2020 by Erika Moen and Matthew Nolan, then transcribed Feb 15, 2022, by Dennie Park, who can be found at linktr.ee/DeepBeeps