Mads G draws with a very bouncy, cartoony style using primarily a color palette of pinks, purples, and dusty yellows. The sex toys themselves use an array of colors including orange, turquoise, purple, green, and lavender.

Our protagonist is dressed like a 1970s game show presenter with round glasses, a big handlebar mustache, a haircut resemble the glans of a penis (complete with a cowlick in place of an ejecting drop), a suit with oversize shoulder pads, a striped turtleneck, and a microphone in hand.

PAGE ONE
They eagerly greet us by announcing, "Welcome back to the first annual Fun Factory Pulsator Pageant. I'm your host, Gustav Abspritzen and I'm BUSTING A NUT to be here! We have some amazing queens here tonight and our esteemed panel of judges have had ample time to compare..."

Abspritzen gestures to the panel of judges, which are anthropomorphic cartoons of a content vulva in a onesie with a giant bow under its chin ("Clit"), a worried-looking circle with a mouth puckered into an X and wearing a top hat ("Hole"), and a laidback wallet with some cards and cash sticking out of its folds ("Wallet"). All of the objects in this comic have expressive little faces.

Narration: Let's have a quick recap of our lovely contestants:

Narration: The classic, the elegant, STRONIC REAL - A true original!
Illustration: an orange phallus looking content with eyes closed.

Narration: Along with the queen of glitz and glamor, STRONIC G!
Image: A pink phallus with a much more pronounced head. It smiles wide-mouthed.

Narration: The striking and sensual SURF - Just look at those curves!
Image: A teal phallus with groovy ridges along its sides smiles with eyes closed, looking demure.

Narration: MAKE WAY! MAKE WAY! Here comes the big, beautiful, bodacious BI FUSION!
Image: A large purple phallus with a subtle bend to its shaft also has an extra appendage protruding from closer to its bottom end.

Narration: And finally, the tiny twins SUNDAZE and PETITE - Don't let their small size fool you!
Image: Two much smaller phalluses bob happily. The blue one is also rippled like Surf while the green one has a large oval-like shape extending out of its head.

All of the toys have identical bottoms, a purple cap with two buttons.


PAGE TWO
Abspritzen continues as the phalluses dance and perform, some with props like a wand and cane.
"We had a spectacular talent competition tonight, full of surprises! Real started us off with some classic moves without vibration! Kickin' it oldschool - too traditional for this crowd perhaps? G brought a little extra razzamatazz with their jaunty curve, giving Real a run for their money! Could they be outshined? Surf's interpretive dance really shook things up a bit! Building on the moves of Real and G, they added their own wiggly flair! Petite followed up with... uh... the exact same act but like... small?


PAGE THREE
The toys continue to dance around as Abspritzen goes on, "Sundaze, with their postmodern look, kind of did their own thing. Some vibrations here, some thrusting there. Will the judges by impressed? Finishing us off, Bi Fusion floated like a butterfly but stung like a bee with their unique animal companion. Wide coverage with girth to match. Buzzy and rumbly, sure to please, I expect! Now let's hear from our well-traveled panel of discerning judges: What do you have to say about our competitors, Clit?"

Contemplatively, Clit answers while stroking their chin, "Well, I know I can come off a little intense and hard to please but I promise it's not personal! BI FUSION definitely has my vote here, you can't argue with those vibrations. Surf comes close behind, even if they might need some maneuvering.


PAGE FOUR
"Hole?" Abspritzen asks. "What's your take?"
Sitting next to Clit, Hole thoughtfully strokes their chin as they reply, "I'm no spring chicken so I've seen many-a-toy in my time. Real and G of course are classics, old standbys - Sure, Petite and Sundaze come in handy, but they need a little more oomph. Sundaze was also a bit complicated to use in comparison..." Now definitively but sweating, they conclude, "Bi Fusion can be a tight squeeze and Surf's shape was intimidating but both really surprised me! I'm not usually one for novelty, but SURF has my vote in the end."

Bringing the microphone over to Wallet, Abspritzen asks, "And finally, Wallet, our most controversial judge. What do you have to say?"

"Let's be real," Wallet begins. "you're a quality bunch who cost a pretty penny. I gotta ask how you stack up to each other. Petites is definitely the cheapest date of the bunch, typical for a small size. Real, G, and Surf are all the same size and the same price but somehow Sundaze is up there with them. Yeah, they're a little funky with the extra vibrations and shape but they're a bit... confusing."
"HEY!" Sundaze interjects from off screen.


PAGE FIVE
Taking this seriously, Wallet continues, "Bi Fusion, big gal, is the most lux of the bunch, which also makes total sense. You get what you pay for. All that being said, Surf is really the best bang for the buck so to speak - although Petite's copycat nature pays off here.

Abspritzen address the reader, with a silhouette line-up of the toys behind him.
"We've given the judges some time to deliberate and the votes have now been tallied! A final thank you to all our fabulous Fun Factory contestants! Time to reveal our lucky winner..." In delight, Abspritzen announces, "SURF! You're officially the best banf for the buck and have won the grand prize of... BEING A CARTOONIST'S FAVORITE!"

with tears of joy, Surf accepts a bouquet of flowers and addresses the audience with, "I wanna thank my mom and my dad." while in the background flowers fall from the sky and the song "Here she isssss, Miss Pulsator Univerrrrse...." plays.


PAGE SIX
In a completely different setting, the cartoonist Mads G jolts upright in bed. "I just had a crazy dream..." He says to his sleeping companion, rubbing his eyes. "It was like some weird Miss America pageant thing but everybody was a dildo and the host's name was 'cum' in German and - "

"Huh?" His companion blearily sits up, revealing that they are, in fact, human-size Stronic Real toy. "What's Miss America?"

The page concludes with the sound effect of Mads screaming, "AAAAAAAAAH!" and a little note left in the bottom corner reading, "Thank you OJST and Fun Factory!"

Transcribed by Erika Moen, September 9, 2024