Howdy folks! Today we’re havin’ a look-see at one of the wildest toys I’ve ever laid eyes on: the Tentacle III Grinder made by Uncover Creations.

Grinders are still few and far between in the sex toy world, so discovering a company with such a variety of them is like striking gold! And while this particular one wasn’t everything I dreamed of, it’s still a nice treat when I desire more than an orgasm, I crave an Experience™. I recommend checking out the rest of Uncover Creation’s monstrous catalog, they’ve got knots, tentacles, ovipositors… and a suction cup mount that straps down just like these grinders and it is my new favorite thing EVER.

Matt’s note;
A huge thank you to the brave cowpoke, Ripley LaCross, for todays joyride of a comic that had me on the edge of my seat.

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↓ Comic Transcript
PAGE 1
The color palette of this cowboy review comic is dusty, with dark maroons, pinks, pale yellows, white and black. It's got a noisy gritty layer treatment, lending itself to feeling from another era. The characters in todays comic are the following;
-'Ripley', the author is a nonbinary person wearing a black cowboy hat, glasses, shaggy purple hair, a sleeveless black denim jacket, fingerless gloves, and a yellow kerchief around their neck. They bare their chest often in the comic, showing their top surgery scars. They also have a smattering of facial and belly hairs.
-Another character, 'Cowpoke', wears a black cowboy hat and glasses, but sports a blond beard and mustache, earlobes gauged with modestly-sized black plugs, a purple collared shirt with the classic cowboy designs across the front, and a bolo tie. They have a pale complexion.
-'Bar Patron' is a person of color who wears black dreadlocks pulled back into a loose bun with locks hanging over their shoulders and down their back. They wear a white blouse, dark purple floor-length skirt, and a yellow kerchief hung loosely over their shoulders.


The backlit silhouette of Ripley enters the double swinging doors of a dusty, somber saloon straight out of the 1800s wild west.
"Afternoon, Ripley!" Cowpoke greats Ripley as they join the table they're sharing with Bar Patron. "...blazes, what happened?"
"Ya look like somethin' the cat dragged!" Chimes in Patron.
"Boy howdy do I have a tale to tell you about the beast I just wrangled." Ripley says as they fan themself briskly with their cowboy hat and pull up a chair.

"A beast, eh? Was it mean?" Cowpoke asks, intrigued and eager for a good story.
Patron leans in eagerly to ask "Was it ugly?"
"Now hold your horses-" Starts Ripley.
"Did it have three eyes, three toes-" Begins Cowpoke.
"-and a tail longer than the Rio Grande??" Finishes patron.
"...What?" Ripley replaces their hat back on their head. "No! I'm talkin' bout the..."


PAGE 2
Cowboy rope, sleek clip-in fasteners on black belts, and tentacles frame a large title, which reads: "Tentacle Grinder III by Uncover Creations, $79 USD" in a classic Old West font.

The toy is kind of like a small saddle, molded to look like entwined, coiling tentacles complete with suckers. Four straps with buckles emerge from the base.

Text: Medical grade super soft silicone with multiple finish and firmness options! Nylon-weave straps with buckles. Optional vibrator slot. Around the size of a thick paper-back book. More silicone and strap colors than you can shake a stick at!

Ripley holds the tentacle object in one hand while gesturing at it with the other as they explain, "This grinder is unlike anything I've ever seen in my time in the sexy west. I was looking for DIFFERENT, and boy did I find it! Uncover Creations breaks the mold with their grinders, and they do it in style: werewolves, tentacles, alien's, dragons... their whole theme is MONSTERS!"
"That's one fancy do-hickey." Cowpoke ads.
"How's it work?" Asks Patron.

Narration: You just hitch it to any object of your choice with the two included belts. (I strapped mine to a rolled-up yoga mat, on top of a few supporting pillows.)

"Ol' Ripley's got fragile knees and hips" Bemoans Ripley.

Narration: Slick it up real nice with your favorite water-based lube and when it's good n' secure, saddle up and get ridin'!

In silhouette, we see a figure in cowboy boots and hat in hand riding an enormous horse-sized tentacle.


PAGE 3
"Sakes alive," Patron chimes in, looking hungrily at the sample image of Cowpoke straddling and grinding on the toy as it's strapped to a rolled-up yoga mat. "what a messy situation!" Cowpoke's top surgery scars are visible and they genitals produce "SKWISH SLIK SLIK SLIK" noises as they rub against the grinder. They keep their hat, bolo tie, glasses, and boots on as they ride this toy.

"Darn tootin' it is," Responds Ripley proudly. "an' that's one of the best parts! Once you get going it starts sounding nasty as all hell."

Narration: Grindin' back and forth, you get a broad experience as your entire pelvic area squishes against it. It can be quite a workout! Half of my enjoyment came just from getting my heart rate up.
"Blazes!" Exclaims a tuckered out Cowpoke.
"But wait, there's more!" Ripley adds, discreetly clicking a remote control.

Cowpoke is jolted to attention as their yoga-mat-grinder steeds electrifies them with a BZZZZZZZZT.

Narration: Stick a bullet in the (optional) vibe hole- preferably with a remote- and now you've got an electric rodeo!

"Boy howdy!" Exclaims Patron in delight as they check on the thoroughly zonked out Cowpoke. "What a unique ride."

"Sure is!" Ripley agrees. "It's got plenty of potential for foreplay, paired with penetration, scenes..."

In the background we see some potential ways the grinder could be used, with different couples.
One person sits on the lap of their partner, where we presume the toy is strapped over the groin area. The bottom partner has a knee brace, implying that the toy helps supplement their performance in bed if they have restricted mobility.

Another person is shown bound to an old west fence, sitting on the grinder while their partner kneels over them, pressing their thumb into the bound partner's mouth.



page 4
Looking mournfully to the sky as they wipe away a tear and holding their hat against their chest, Ripley continues, "All of that being said, and because you gotta focus on moving just to maintain those sweet sensations... I never properly orgasmed with this beast. If you need really pin-pointed stimulation on specific parts, you ain't gonna find it here."

Narration: It also requires a lot of fuss to find the right setup and any adjustment means you gotta dismount, fiddle, and get back on to see if it worked. It's hard to find that sweet spot and, for solo play, that's just far too much work for me.

Narration: My vibrator happens to have a remote that made it all the better to adjust the intensity as I went. But the inbuilt space for the vibrator was kind of a dud.

An arrow points with one arrow to the middle lower section of the grinder with the caption, "Where it is." Another arrow points to the middle top section saying, "Where I want it!"

Narration: You just can't feel it where you wanna feel it.

Ripley now stands with one foot mounted on a chair, in the classic Riker stance, as they point to a bruise on the elevated leg, explaining, "The vibrator bruised me when I wore it on my thigh, too! It was a great ride for my partner but a major ouch for me."

Narration: Speaking of thighs, my final gripe was that the straps seemed really short and the buckles would slide right off. Nobody wants to be chasing down a rogue buckle when they're trying to get their grind on.

A silhouette shows Cowpoke chasing after an escaping buckle.


PAGE 5
"All in all, there's a lot of creative potential here." Ripley says while lecherously offering the grinder to a blushing and giggling volunteer who has their wrists bound with rope. "But I think for me this bronco is best shared with a favorite partner-in-crime."

Narration: It's an opening act, not the main event- but a bit of fun to get the juices flowing. Uncover's customization options add to the value here: Gorgeous colors, different silicone treatments, and each one is hand poured. For $78-100, I'd say it's worth it for someone looking to add a new fancy saddle to their stable.

A juiced-up nude Ripley reclines next to their freshly-ridden grinder that is still strapped to the rolled-up yoga mat. "Now that I'm warmed up..." they think to themself, while admiring a fantastical creature dildo in their hand. "(Check out their dildo collection!)" advises a helpful note next to it.

Now back in the bar scene, Ripley sits on the shared table, hoisting the grinder aloft by its straps, and asks, "Now... who wants to go for a ride?"
"Ooh! Me me me!" Exclaims Patron as they jump to their feet.
"Buster, I was born to ride" smirks Cowpoke as they look confidently on at the dangling toy.

Transcribed by Erika Moen 6/17/24
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